“So, I’ve chosen all my funeral songs already” is a pretty standard refrain these days from believers. To which I always respond with the same question, “Why?”
I haven’t planned my funeral and will not and here’s why: it’s not for me.
You will realise, I trust, that I will not be there at my funeral. Others will be and they will be grieving, but they must do so as those who have hope, not as those who do not have hope. And the funeral must serve them, not me. It must help them grieve appropriately. It is not a tribute concert to the departed. If they want to sing a song I really hate and it helps, let them sing it. I will be joining in, in my glorified sinless state, from heaven (so to speak!).
Of course, the best way for them to grieve might well be for them to sing something that I loved. They may want a Bible reading that was particularly precious to me in my last days. All well and good. But the service serves the living not the dead. And as pastors and preachers we have to keep reminding those who grieve about this truth.
Perhaps this is for another day, but it also shapes the tone of the funeral. There’s a bit too much laughing and dancing at funerals these days, and not enough tears, if you ask me. But seeing as you didn’t, I’ll stick with what I know: if you are preaching at my funeral, don’t you dare ask my family “what would Adrian have wanted?” Because you know the answer already: whatever, within Biblical bounds, will help them grieve with hope.